


Flora of the Alien Variety

by Entwinedlove



Series: Marvelously Magical Bingo 2018 [16]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dubious Consent, Established Relationship, Fade to Black, Multi, Open Relationship, Secret Relationship, Sex Pollen, no detailed sex for the POV character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 10:05:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15947126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Entwinedlove/pseuds/Entwinedlove
Summary: When Natasha and Bucky get sprayed by a breathing alien plant, Stark assumes they've been hit with sex pollen and quarantines them. Neville gets inadvertently invited. Nat, Bucky, nor Neville complain.





	Flora of the Alien Variety

**Author's Note:**

> For Marvelously Magical Bingo 2018; fills square **N2** – _Bucky/Natasha/Neville_
> 
> [ ](https://i.imgur.com/JwDH9jw.jpg)

"So what's your professional opinion, Professor?" Tony Stark asked.

Neville honestly had no idea what he was looking at. It only vaguely qualified as a plant in his mind as it was partially buried in dirt and looked slightly leafy. What made it distinctly not-plant like was the fact that it seemed to be breathing. The alien plant was blue and purple in colour and glowed phosphorescent. The base was large and seemed to rhythmically inflate and deflate. There were spines along the leaves that looked hollow and the residual pollen was hot pink.

"I... Why did you call me in, again?"

"Well, you're the top authority on plants. Mr I-have-a-degree-in-biology over here," the short, older man rambled, pointing to the only other person in the lab with them, Dr Bruce Banner, "said that as this wasn't your garden-variety plant and that he didn't know what to do with it."

"Yes, but I'm only a Herbology professor. I teach eleven-year-olds. Surely Dr Banner would have the greater expertise."

"But it's not... normal. Therefore, you. So, what do you think?"

"I think it's not magical either. Where did you say you found this?" Neville asked, stepping closer. He didn't know if it was poisonous or venomous or not but he was intrigued by it nonetheless.

"Our team was fighting some aliens that had decided to take over a small town in Washington state. You know, the typical Avengers' workday? And well, they'd spread some of their native plants around, make it homier right? Except, this thing decides to spray its hot pink mess all over two of us. Your job is to tell us that they aren't going to die. Simple enough, huh?"

Neville blinked as he tried to follow along. "Where are those teammates now?"

Captain America—no, right, he'd asked Neville to call him Steve—answered as he stepped into the room. "We've got them in quarantine. JARVIS is monitoring their vitals."

"And where is..."

"Oh, in the next room over," Stark said, pointing towards the wall in front of them. "Don't worry, it's hermetically sealed. Has it's own ventilation and air circulation system."

"And you just, potted up a clipping to bring here to test?" Neville asked, looking between the three of them.

Stark shrugged. An odd clang came out of the room followed by a sound that reminded Neville of an erumpent call. Stark raised his eyebrows and said, "JARVIS, can you tell me what's happening in the quarantine room? How are our lovely two ex-assassins?"

"Their vitals are elevated, Sir."

Steve sounded worried when he asked a follow-up question, "What are they doing? Do we need to get a med-team in here?"

"I believe they are copulating, Captain. Neither appears to be showing signs of distress."

Neville envied the AI's cool delivery and inability to show embarrassment. He knew his face had gone tomato red at the pronouncement.

"Do Barnes and Romanoff even like each other?" Stark asked Steve. "I was right, though, good to know!"

Dr Banner looked over his shoulder from where he was studying a sample under a microscope. "You don't know you were right, Tony, and who has ever heard of sex pollen?"

Neville strangled on his own tongue for a moment. "Sorry? _What_ pollen?"

"Sex pollen, you know, like the... you know what? Nevermind," Stark said, "Just that you get sprayed with the flower's love-juice and you..." he made an odd motion with his hands, "do the do until you orgasm."

Just then there was an electronic screech and an intercom system lit up near the door leading into the quarantine room. A woman's husky voice echoed over the speaker, sounding a little tinny, "Da, da, da!" She panted and shouted. "Da!"

Neville felt his ears go hot at the sound.

The panting faded and then she spoke again, in what Neville assumed was Russian, "Net, net. Bol'she!" she whined the last word and even he could tell it was a cry for more.

"Umm, JARVIS?" Stark said.

"Muting the intercom system. I'll continue to monitor them in case they intentionally try to connect with any of the team, Sir."

"Thanks..." he took a few steps closer to the table—and the alien plant—and then turned on his heel. He gestured with a pointed finger. "So, maybe I'm not completely right. Maybe it's until the pollen is out of their system rather than until orgasm, I don't know but—"

They were saved from another Stark ramble when the plant puffed up larger than before and spurted hot pink dust-like pollen into the air.

Directly into Neville's face.

"Oh, no! You're not getting me!" Stark said and within seconds he was wrapped up in his red and gold armour, arms outstretched towards Neville like he was trying to ward him off. "Off to quarantine with you!" he said through the speaker in his suit.

Neville didn't feel anything happening as he started to try and wipe his face free of pink pollen. "I think I'm fine."

"Nuh-uh. In you go," Stark said, taking a step forward like he was planning on herding Neville through the closed door.

He sighed and flicked his wand at the plant, creating a clear glass box around it so it wouldn't spray anyone else. He then syphoned off the rest of the pollen with his wand. "No, look, Stark, I'm fine..."

"Just to be safe, Neville," Steve said. He had a frown on his face but somehow it came across as reassuring.

Capitulating, Neville approached the door. It slid open for him and he entered, almost afraid of what he'd find. The door slid closed behind him. The other two occupants didn't seem to notice his entrance. Agent Romanoff was sitting on the metal table built against the wall, naked. He could see where a hand print was twisted into the metal of the table lip and the floor at his feet was covered with books and papers, things that had been pushed off to make room for her. He supposed the bending of metal would have explained the erumpent call from earlier. Thank Merlin the noise hadn't actually come from either of them. He couldn't see Sergeant Barnes but the rhythmic slurping sound hinted at what he might be busy doing.

Neville still didn't feel anything strange happening to him to support Stark's theory about sex pollen. Sure, he might be becoming slightly aroused but there was a naked woman on the table engaging in intercourse with someone, that sort of thing would turn a large portion of the population on.

He turned away, hoping to distract himself from what was happening a few feet from him but there wasn't much else in the room. It was narrow and not even a dozen feet in length. One of the overhead lights had been broken so the room was only partially lit. A filing cabinet had been knocked over at some point.

"Hey," that husky voice from earlier said. Neville turned around to see Agent Romanoff staring at him, eyes half-lidded in a pleasure-induced daze and hair sticking up at odd angles. "Come here," she demanded.

Neville's feet obeyed the command before his mind had even processed the words. When he was close enough to see a head of brown hair working her between her thighs, her right hand holding tight to the strands, he stopped. She grabbed at him with her left hand, hooking his tie and jumper, and dragged him close.

"I don't think we should—" he got out before her mouth was on his. He resolutely kept his hands at his sides, trying to focus on allowing her to lead the kiss but not entirely contributing to it when she did something mind-boggling with her tongue. His eyes might have crossed.

* . * . *

When it was over, Neville had cushioned the floor and conjured some bedding. He was blinking hazily at the ceiling above him, letting his hand run soothingly through someone's hair while whoever it was had their head laying on his chest. Someone else was slowly catching their breath next to him.

"Hey JARVIS," Natasha called lazily from beside him.

"Yes, Agent Romanoff?"

"Can you send someone with water, snacks, and cigarettes?"

"Regular or menthol?"

"Regular," Bucky said. It was muffled because his face was half-pressed against Neville's chest.

"Of course, Sergeant Barnes."

Bucky grunted.

Neville turned his head to look at Natasha. "Snacks?"

"Well, if they're just going to assume we're acting on account of that flower dusting us, we might as well make a full night of it. I don't think we've had this much uninterrupted alone time in months."

"Give me five more minutes, Nat. I think my tongue's going to fall off."

She smirked at Bucky's comment. "You hear that, Neville? We can start without him."

"Hey," Bucky objected weakly but didn't protest as Neville rolled away from him to kiss Natasha. He still wasn't sure if sex pollen was a thing but he wouldn't object to her plans, not when she could do that thing with her tongue so well.


End file.
